you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
