this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
