you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
