my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
