I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
