And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
