I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
