my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
