My brain says no but my pants say off.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
