Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
is it fun? or sober?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
