i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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