Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
