This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
