Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
