i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
