All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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