to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
