i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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