My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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