Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
