he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
