I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
