I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
