And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you win again, gameday.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
