I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
