I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
