Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
