You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Randomize
