Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
