Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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