i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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