What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
