he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
