i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
