you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
