ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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