seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
