There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
