We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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