grandma shit on top of the toilet
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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