I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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