She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
