I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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