Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
