Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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