And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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