She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
