i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
