After last night, I could never be a politician.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
