he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
